11 Sarcastic Replies To 'How Are You'

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1) "My psychiatrist says that I shouldn’t discuss it with strangers"

Just a twitch of the eye will do wonders for this part.

2) "It’s too early to tell"

Squint your eyes and gaze around suspiciously as though someone will ruin your day. This works well at work or family gatherings.

3) "Slowly but surely dying"

All of us are. Nothing makes us laugh quite like being reminded of our own mortality, right? Excellent for social gatherings, this.

4) "Maybe one day you’ll be lucky enough to find out"

What they believed was a simple query has become a massive secret meant only for select listeners.

5) "My lawyer has stated that I don’t have to answer that question"

They will be surprised for a moment before bursting into laughter at your hilariously shocking formality.

6) "Good question..."

Do not rush your decision; take a moment to reflect before you even consider turning and walking away. Don't give anything away.

7) "What’s with the third degree? You a cop?"

For the most authentic response, pretend you're an Italian gangster hitman and ask in their dialect.

8) "Can’t complain—I’ve tried, but no one listens"

If you're talking to a coworker, you can also state that it's against policy.

9) "The doctor said I would live"

Tell them you were in for a regular checkup and everything is great when they inevitably give you that look of concern.

10) "How do you want me to be?"

In a sexual tone, this joke really shines and can serve as an icebreaker (or fire things up right away).

11) "How much are you willing to pay me if I tell you?"

You should be compensated handsomely for sharing such useful knowledge.

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